My Journey, Part 5

So far, I’ve shared what it’s been like to be a Type One: The Perfectionist. On the Enneagram, many people have one wing that is more dominant. I would say that my Nine wing is more dominant, but I have pretty strong Nine and Two wings. Beth McCord says this about wings:

Wings are the two personality types on either side of your main enneagram type. One of the wings is usually (but not always) used more than the other and brings a new dimension and depth to the main type. Think of them like salt and pepper. They add flavor and more complexity to the main type. The main type dominates how a type perceives and experiences life, but the wings influence the main type.

Nines avoid conflict and seek peace, no matter the cost. They will merge with others to keep the peace. They are able to see all sides of an issue, and can be passive-aggressive and stubborn. Nines also struggle with sloth-like behaviors.

Twos are the most interpersonal of all types. They have a need to be needed by others, and will often seek approval by over-giving and hiding their own needs. This can lead them to be codependent and struggle with boundaries.

I actually misidentified as a Nine with a One wing at the beginning of my Enneagram journey. The idea that Nines merge with others to avoid conflict really hit home with me. In my college years, I struggled to make decisions because I didn’t want to upset anyone. I struggled to know what I wanted, so I went with the flow, agreeing with others. I also struggled with boundaries, making others feel like they were the most important person to me. (A lot of people thought I was their best friend.) I fell into the gossip trap, even if I didn’t agree, because I didn’t want to say anything contradictory.

Now that I am more self-aware, I can see both Nine and Two wings in my personality. Richard Rohr says that if you find yourself identifying with three numbers next to each other, the number in the middle is probably your type. Once I was able to identify my Twoness, I corrected my mistake (so hard for a One!), and decided I was actually a One with both wings.

Do you identify with one wing over another? I’d love to hear!

This is part of a 31-day series: The Enneagram. To read all posts, head here.